I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize