Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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