I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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