you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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