As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
