Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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