Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
