Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
