Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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