Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
