My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
