I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
