i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
