addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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