the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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