The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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