Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
