I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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