nutella sex= disaster
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
