This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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