She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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