People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
