the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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