I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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