i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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