K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
