if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
