i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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