Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
