Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
