I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
