I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
