The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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