I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize