did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize