now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
