I'm so fucking centered right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize