the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
