i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
