At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
