Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
