Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
