This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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