worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
