I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
