im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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