u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
