A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
