fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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