Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
