bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have aggressive nipples.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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