I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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