I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she looked like the before picture.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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