Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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