It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
