Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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