i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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