He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize