Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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