Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
