so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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