Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
