She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
