yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize