tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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